Unable To Let Go
by AM Kemp
Summary: Season 2, This is a one shot in between episodes 4 and 5. - Honestly, could Connor really leave Abby after all that and go to the theater with Caroline?  If the episode had been longer, here's my ending.


**_Disclaimer: These are characters from the fabulous Primeval. I've only borrowed them for a time and claim no ownership._**

**_This is my first fanfiction. It just seemed so wrong the way the episode ended. I just had to know what happened next. I hope you enjoy it._**

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><p>Connor slowly followed behind Abby up the spiral staircase into the flat.<p>

As Abby reached to top of the stairs, she slowly looked around. Abby was exhausted. The adrenaline from the rescue was wearing off and now that she was safe, she could feel her body start to relax.

Connor continued past Abby and slowly up a few steps into the sitting area. He couldn't believe she was here. He let out a deep breath and sighed as he turned around to look down at Abby. Down into those bright blue eyes. Just a few hours ago, Connor had sat in this flat, looking down over this very spot, convinced that he was never going to see her again.

He smiled softly down at her, "Maybe you should go have a lie down, eh?"

Abby looked up at Connor. Her eye make up was a disaster and despite how utterly exhausted she was, she couldn't help but smile back at him. "Yeah."

As she stood looking up at Connor, Abby was trying to work out something Connor had said earlier. She thought he'd said he loved her. Just thinking about it made her heart beat a bit faster, but she didn't trust her memory at the moment. It must be a delayed shock reaction to the last 12 hours. She was fading fast, but she really needed to know if she dreamed the whole thing.

"Connor?" she paused. "Back there on the other side of the anomaly. You said something."

Connor froze momentarily. His mind began to race. "Yeah. I said a lot of things, didn't I."

He quickly thought of a quip, "Mainly 'Aaahhhhh.' He smiled at her again.

Abby closed her eyes and smiled back. He was always making her smile. He can be so endearingly thick sometimes. She tried again. "Maybe, I didn't hear you right? I thought you said something about how you felt about me."

Connor swallowed and his heart began to pound in his ears. This is Abby. His best mate. She won't have remembered, right? He'd pretend he had no idea what she was talking about.

"Did I?" and he blew out a breathe of air, shook his head slightly and mouthed the words "I don't.."

Connor couldn't tell, but Abby's heart was pounding too. I mean this was Connor. Quirky, odd, so not her type, Connor. She continued to look up at Connor. Did she dream it? It seemed so real.

There was a long pause as Connor continued to look down into Abby's eyes. Those bright blue eyes. He never thought he'd see those eyes again. He'd felt so helpless and lost without her. After Tom's death, he'd known that what they did was dangerous, but it had never really occurred to him that Abby might get hurt. Her disappearance and absence had really shaken him. The hole that she'd left was surprisingly large. Could he tell her this and not scare her away? Could he not? "Abby I..."

"Connor?" and the door slammed downstairs as Caroline called up.

Caroline ran up the stairs and the moment was broken. Abby turned her head away to try and gather some composure. Even in her exhausted state, she didn't not want to show any weakness around Caroline. There was something about that woman that really rubbed her the wrong way. In every possible way.

Abby wasn't about to admit that she was jealous. She and Connor were mates, but lately she'd started to want more. And then Caroline had showed up.

Abby really wanted, needed to hear what Connor was going to say. She didn't want Connor to see the tears that were starting to form in her eyes.

Connor rocked back on his heels and closed his eyes as Caroline reached the top of the stairs. The entire flat was spinning. He'd been about to tell Abby everything. How sorry he'd been for the things he'd said to her the day before. How much he missed her. How he thought he'd never see her again. How much he loved her. God. He closed his eyes and swayed on his feet one more time. When he opened his eyes again, Caroline was smiling at him from across the room.

"Your not even dressed," Caroline wined at him.

Connor looked at her blankly, "Not dressed?"

He looked down at himself. "What do ya mean?'

Caroline smiled, "The theater. Remember?"

He continued to look at Caroline blankly. Theater? He really didn't remember anything about the theater. He hadn't talked to Caroline all day. He must be losing it. He would've remembered having a date today with Caroline. Right?

He closed his eyes again in another attempt to stop the spinning of his world. He needed some air. He was having a hard time breathing. He breathed out quickly, "Yes. The theater. Of course."

He paused again. He didn't dare look over at Abby. She's laugh at him. "I'm ready. We should go. Yeah?"

He quickly went down the few steps toward Caroline and too the circle stair case. Maybe some fresh air would clear his head. He could feel a headache coming on.

He quickly glance back at Abby again. She looked so lost with her back to him. "I'll see ya later Abby."

She spun around. Her eyes seemed brighter that usual. And she smiled back at him. "Sure."

Connor felt a punch in the gut when she looked at him. He quickly looked down. He really needed some fresh air and he turned and headed down the circle staircase. He could hear Caroline saying something to Abby as he headed out the door toward Caroline's car.

He took a deep breath when he got outside. Breath Connor. Just breath. He told himself. He could feel the cool, damp London air hit the back of his throat and fill his lungs. The spinning had stopped but his world still seemed slightly off. Like the world had started to move and he hadn't kept up. He was just a beat too slow.

He took another breath as he continue out across the car park to Caroline's car. He suddenly stopped. What was that smell? He took a big sniff. UUuuuh. The smell was awful.

Connor stood rooted to the spot as his world shifted violently and suddenly he was back in that warehouse. In an accelerated blur the last few hours raced through his mind. The smell was that horrible, stale canal water. Like slightly dirty laundry water with a strong metallic taste.

He remembered clawing his way back up onto the float. Out of the cold dank water in the flooded warehouse and looking toward the anomaly. Abby was gone again. He had to find her. He had to get to her, no matter what.

He heard himself yell "Abby! I'm coming!"

He had landed hard on the other side of the anomaly. The sun was extremely bright and blinding after leaving the dim warehouse light. Connor could smell the sea on that side of the anomaly and taste the metallic charge in the air. Abby was no where to be seen. Everything was so bright, so real. He couldn't see Abby. She had to be here.

He had only walked a few meters away from the anomaly when he heard her scream come from up ahead. He'd run as fast as he could over the uneven rocks. He'd run until he came to the drop off. He couldn't see her.  
>"Abby?"<p>

A panicked voice had called up from just below the drop off. "Connor?"

He could see those walrus-like creatures headed toward Abby. He manage to lie down and stretch his hand out to grab hers. She managed to climb up a bit and grab his hand like he had told her to do and he began to pull her up. The angle was wrong and Abby was so tired she couldn't really help him. He could feel her slipping. Slipping out of his grasp.

She'd looked up at him. So beaten and exhausted. "Connor I'm pulling you over. There's no point in both of us dying. Just let me go."

Let her go? He couldn't if he wanted to. She was Abby. His Abby. She always had been since he'd first seen her pixie like appearance in the Forest of Dean. The sharp rocks were digging into his chest and legs as he struggled to pull her up. He couldn't imagine life with out her. When she disappeared, everything had gone gray and dull. When Jenny had brought him back to the flat, he'd just sat there on her bed looking at the pictures of her with Rex and her other animals. He just sat there breathing in her smell.

He couldn't let go. Connor choked back a sob, "I can't! I love you!"

Without hesitation, Connor knew if she went, he'd go too. He could feel her slipping from his grasp.

Back in the car park, Caroline walked up behind Connor. She couldn't see his eyes staring off into the distance out of focus. They were tearing up as the emotions and images of the last few hours streamed through his head.  
>"Connor?"<p>

Connor couldn't hear Caroline. He was still back on the other side of the anomaly. Back with Abby. Holding her in his arms after Cutter had helped him pull her over the ledge and out of the reach of that huge creature. He could feel Abby trembling slightly as Cutter and Stephen shot and killed the creature. He pulled her closer to his side. Connor didn't remember letting Abby go.

"Connor?" Caroline tried again touching his shoulder.

Connor still didn't hear her. Now, he was back upstairs in the flat. Abby's face when she'd turned around as he'd said goodbye. That seemed so completely wrong. Her eye makeup was a disaster and the overly bright, forced look on her face as she smiled in his direction. Connor's heart began to race again. God, he had so missed her. He'd lost friends and family in the past, most recently his best mate Tom. But Abby's loss, the harsh words they'd exchanged before she disappeared. It had left such a hole in soul.

Caroline was gently pulling on his sleeve. "Connor?" she tried again.

And suddenly as quickly as he had left, Connor's world snapped back into focus like a taught rubberband snapping back to its original form. The sights and sounds of the car park filling his ears. With a quick jerk he looked back over his shoulder.

With a slight start, he turned around to face Caroline. He looked at her as if seeing her for the first time that evening. He didn't realize he had tears streaking down his face. Caroline was really pretty, in a magazine cover kinda way. She had a small smile on her face with a shadow of concern in her eyes. "Connor? Are you alright?" she asked.

He shook his head a little bit and caught another whiff of himself. "No. Um, Caroline. You were right. I'm not dressed." He took in a tired breath and continued, "Look, it was a crazy day today. I really need to shower and I don't think I'd be good company right now."

Caroline was crazy about him. Connor really didn't want to hurt her. He couldn't explain it any further. The only person who could really understand today was back up in the flat looking like she might fall down at any moment. Connor sighed. Abby didn't love him. Why would she? But they were mates, yeah. She needed some help. He didn't like seeing Abby hurt. Connor needed to go back inside the flat and see once again for himself that she was there. And if he was really being honest, Caroline was a nice girl, but she wasn't Abby. Not by a mile. It just wasn't going to work out with Caroline, but he was just to shattered to deal with it tonight.

"Caroline, I'm sorry, but I can't go to the theater with you tonight. I'm sure you have a girlfriend you can call to go with you so my ticket won't be wasted. I'm really sorry." Connor stepped around Caroline and headed back to the flat.

"Connor," Caroline whined. "These tickets were expensive. We've got a little bit of time. I can wait for you to take a quick shower. We can skip dinner."

"I'm sorry Caroline." Connor looked back over his shoulder with a slight smile to try and soften the blow. "Today was really rough. I'm not really up for going out tonight. I'll pay you back for the ticket if you can't get a girlfriend to go with you."

Caroline couldn't give up this easily. Leek wouldn't pay as much. She raced around in front of Connor and grabbed both of his hands as they hung at his sides.

She smiled, "s'ok. Some other time. We can stay here and watch Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back, again. I know it's one of your favorites."

Connor closed his eyes. And took another deep breath. He looked down at Caroline. A little calmer and firmer he spoke again as he squeezed her hands then pulled them from her grasp. "Not tonight Caroline. I'm really knackered. I'm gonna take a shower and crash. I'll call you tomorrow. I'll pay you back for the tickets." He leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. She pulled away a bit. She must really be mad at him.

Connor stepped around Caroline to return back to the flat. "I'll call you tomorrow. Right?" He didn't even look back. He knew he was breaking Caroline's heart, but he needed to see Abby again.

He walked a little bit faster back towards the door of the flat. Not once did he slow or look back over his shoulder to Caroline. If he had, he might have seen the concern on Caroline's face quickly change to annoyance and frustration.

Connor opened the door to the flat and headed up the circle staircase. The flat was warm inside and smelled like Abby. It was a mixture of vanilla, lilac,and wood chips (from the reptile cages.)

He smiled a bit. But, it was quiet, too quiet. Connor quickened his pace and his feet faltered at the top of the stairs. Maybe he dreamed it all? He took the last few remaining stairs so fast he literally tripped up the last one. "Abby? Abby?"

He saw her then just a short distance away. Her back was to him. She was leaning on the kitchen counter top petting Rex. Rex chirped a greeting to Connor.

Connor looked up to the ceiling and thought silently "Please don't let this be a dream. I can't do this." He looked over again toward the kitchen. "Abby?"

Her head came up and she reached for Rex to pull him to her chest as she turned around.

He started slightly as she turned around with Rex. He was so happy to see her that he didn't see that her make up had run a little more and her eyes were overly bright.

Abby was struggling with her composure. Connor came back. She ducked her head and looked down at Rex and didn't see Connor quickly wipe his face. When she looked up again, he gave her his boyish, shy grin.

"Who am I kidding. I can't go to theatre smelling all fishy and leave you here. Why don't you go take a quick shower and have a lie down and I'll make you a jam buddy.?"

Abby was at a loss for words. She was never at a loss for words, but she just couldn't think at that particular moment. Connor was back. Connor wasn't going to the theatre with that girl.

Abby may never see him as boyfriend material, but Connor couldn't help it. He loved her. He would take whatever she was willing to give. He didn't want to think about anything else. He just wanted to be near her. She was back only a little worse for wear. He'd worry about everything else tomorrow.

Abby wobbled a little on her feet. It was all starting to catch up with her. She couldn't bring herself to ask, but she really wanted Connor to hold her. Just for bit. As she flushed with embarrassment, she felt her knees start to buckle.

Connor had seen her sway and rushed the short distance to grab her shoulders as her knees started to give out. "Abby?"

"Come on, let's go sit down for a bit, yeah?" He put his arm around her waste and gently led her and Rex over to the small love seat up on the landing. He sat her down and sat down next to her. He moved his arm from her waist to her shoulders. He should remove his arm. He didn't want to weird her out and have her pull away. But Abby didn't seem to notice, so he left it there.

It was quiet. Connor started to nervously babble. Abby couldn't really follow what he was saying. He was talking to fast. God, it was good to hear his voice even if she couldn't hear a word he was saying. She was suddenly too tired to move.

She smiled and with a barely audible sigh, leaned into Connor and rested her head on his shoulder. "Connor? Shut up."

"Shutting up" Connor quickly responded.

Neither one could ever say how long that sat like that. Side by side on the love seat. But at some point they both drifted off into dreams. Her head on Connor's shoulder and Rex chirping softly on her chest.


End file.
